I'm not really sure where i should start in this story of mine but i know if i don'twrite it down it will be locked in side me forever just eating away at my soul.
it all stated about a year ago, i was going out with this boy i had wanted for ages i loved him so much and i felt like know one could ever make me sad again. then i met this new friend and he was funny and we got on instantly.
i met up with him a couple of times and my boyfriends knew of these meetings until one day when we met in secret and my friends kissed me. i pulled away as soon as he did it i never wanted to become a bitch who cheated, but for some reason i couldn't help my self so i let him kiss me again.
we kept meeting in secret and evrytime we did i would feel like my heart was having to much inside of it like it was going to burst. then one day we got caught and my boyfriend didn't believe it so he didn't dump me. instead he started meeting with my best friend at the time. i got really jealous even though i was seeing another boy behind his back.
i couldn't deside who i wanted or what i should do. my boyfriend and i had got really didtant and i was being told by my friends that he was holding hands with my ex best friend.
so one day i comfronted them both which ended badly as i lost a best friend and the worcst bit was that my boyfriend didn't go after me he ran after her!
then weeks past and then he finally he spoke to me on twitter. he wanted to talk about us and his feelings....
he dumped me, he couldn't even be man enough to say it to my face.
well i was heart broken that i had let someone so special to me just slip away. i loved him but then i didn't deserv him.
then i carried on ith that boy but i never truly loved him and we never actually went out with each other it came close but i never wanted to.
then this other boy came along he was a friend of my ex and helped me get over him. we became really good friends and started to meet up with other friends together. i loved being out with him he is such a laugh.
then we kissed and i didn't talk to the other boy for a while as i found out he was texting dirty texts to his ex girlfriends so i figured he didn't want me anymore. so i kept falling for this new, amazing, mysterious boy that i couldn't keep my eye off everytime we met. but then i came to a stop when he asked me out, i was so happy as you can probably imagine but for some reason i just couldn't say yes the thought of losing someone so special to me again scared every part of my body. so i said no. for my shock he carried on fighting for me he stayed loving me everyday and my feeling got even more deeper and confusing.
then distaster struck that boy came back int my life, it was like lighning striking my body i flet feeling for him but not mlove or lust but strong feelings. so then i wasn't so involved with the boy i loved.
my love sent me a christmas present with a love letter in it. he told me how much he loved me it was a little cheesy but the best i had evr read in my life.
then when new year came my life started to fall apart my close family memeber became distant to me bacause i didn't want any one close as i was becoming someone i didn't even know and nor did anyone else. i was a shamed of who i was becoming my friends said that i looked like someone had taken the light from me and left me in a pole of darkness. the truth was they were right i didn't feel happy anymore i felt like my being was just not worth anything any more i thought about my past all the time and i couldn't foprgive myself for everything.
the boy i loved didn't want me anymore he had fought for me so many times and now his heart just couldn't take it any more.
the boy who said he loved me kept with me but he felt like some kind of leech eating at my skin trying to get to my heart but i was stronger than what i thought i was i was leeting him in but i was letting him into my mind. he made me believe i couldn't live with out him.
now months have pasted and he is still clinging on to me like he has nothing else to do. my body is now alomost losing its will to stop him getting in and the boy i love said he loed me again but we can never be togetehr as it would never work.
so now i feeli like i'm alone in this world like im trpped in a body tha isn't really me just lokos like m,e from the outside. the outside i look happy and beautiful but the inside i'm being torn apart from both ways and one say i'm just going to be ripped apart and know way of going back.


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